I walk with pain

by G. Krasskova

I walk with pain
because he is the companion You have given me on this path.
He is not the angel I would have chosen for myself
had I been permitted to choose.
I walk with pain and he leads the dance, whirling
always to the rhythm You have set.
Sooner or later I seem to manage to pick up the steps.
I guess I’ve been well trained:
I know to embrace him as much as I can;
and he in turn knows exactly where to touch me.
You see, because I am hard, my heart is thorny, my soul is scarred,
and sometimes I need a tenacious ally,
who will not yield to my protestation,
or pleas for mercy.
Sometimes I need help
opening myself to You.
You knew that, having once held my heart so lovingly in Your hand.
You knew I needed a companion I could not escape.
You knew that only for You and You alone,
would I throw myself into this partner’s arms willingly.
So I walk hand in hand with pain
and I have found that while he is not cruel
neither is he kind.
He’s wheedled his way in, gone places in my heart
locked and barred even to You.
He’s guiding me there, helping me,
so that one day I can hand You their key.
So that one day, there will be no walls between us.
Oh my Sustenance, my Adoration, My Lord,
You have chosen well for me, a companion on this journey;
for while he is neither cruel nor kind, I have found, Beloved,
that he is compassionate.

Thirst

By Galina Krasskova

It is Your mercy I fear the most, 

Oh my hard and hungry God. 

You demand the most

of those you love the best. 

I ask no mercy from that. 

You bless us with boundless torment.

You feast upon our suffering, 

and the strength and will they bring,

as though upon finest wine. 

You order our hearts. 

You unmake our weakness. 

For in truth, WE are the wine upon which You feast, 

we, the sweetest vintage of Your table. 

Oh, You who are Thirsty for Pain,

Hungry for Flesh, *

feast upon me, and devour

what remains of my heart. 

I want to be ready

because when we bow our heads

to the immensity of Your desire,

You pour blessings into our hands. 

And as You thirst for our submission, 

I thirst only for You. 

*thanks to Anya Kless for sharing her own bynames for Odin: "Thirsty for Pain," and "Hungry for Flesh."  He is indeed both of those things. Serving Him, being led from ordeal dancer to ordeal master by His hands has been a profound experience. Pain is the tool and the teaching that He pressed into my hands to wield, and I am grateful for the blessings that have unfolded because of that. Despite the pain, He has privileged my practice. I bow my head before Him.