I walk with pain

by G. Krasskova

I walk with pain
because he is the companion You have given me on this path.
He is not the angel I would have chosen for myself
had I been permitted to choose.
I walk with pain and he leads the dance, whirling
always to the rhythm You have set.
Sooner or later I seem to manage to pick up the steps.
I guess I’ve been well trained:
I know to embrace him as much as I can;
and he in turn knows exactly where to touch me.
You see, because I am hard, my heart is thorny, my soul is scarred,
and sometimes I need a tenacious ally,
who will not yield to my protestation,
or pleas for mercy.
Sometimes I need help
opening myself to You.
You knew that, having once held my heart so lovingly in Your hand.
You knew I needed a companion I could not escape.
You knew that only for You and You alone,
would I throw myself into this partner’s arms willingly.
So I walk hand in hand with pain
and I have found that while he is not cruel
neither is he kind.
He’s wheedled his way in, gone places in my heart
locked and barred even to You.
He’s guiding me there, helping me,
so that one day I can hand You their key.
So that one day, there will be no walls between us.
Oh my Sustenance, my Adoration, My Lord,
You have chosen well for me, a companion on this journey;
for while he is neither cruel nor kind, I have found, Beloved,
that he is compassionate.